To the girl that is waiting…
Most girls my age are in relationships now. Some girls have been in a “relationship” their whole life, pretty much. Or it constantly feels like they are. Most girls “like” or are “crushing” on a different guy every other day. Most girls seem to be going on dates every weekend. We hear and see these things and think that something is wrong with us because we’re the small handful of girls that, well...don’t do those things.
I know people that seem to be in a new relationship every couple of months with “the one” or “my future husband” and I am over here not going on dates, not talking to a new guy every three days and isn’t really out there looking for a new guy. I have never been that kind of person. You can literally ask anyone that personally knows me (and probably hardly knows me) and ask them if I have ever really been with a guy before and they will immediately tell you “no.”
I have never been one to stress the, “I have to have a boyfriend right now.” and “I don’t want to look desperate.” No, that doesn’t mean I don’t pick out the cutest guy in the room. Em and I do this thing when we’re at the gym where if there is a cute guy who we don’t know, we give them a name. We have named guys Aaron, Brandon, Tyler, Blake, Joe….we’re waiting for the day that we actually name them their literal name. I think that will be the day I quit my job and move to Las Vegas to become a fortune teller. Just kidding, I don’t believe in that stuff.
Yes, I question myself and question why I am not in a relationship. I don’t like that I am not in a relationship but I don’t hate it either. Do I sometimes feel like I might die alone and relationshipless one day? Yes. Do I sometimes think I am not worthy of anyone? Yes. Do I sometimes think that there is no one out there who will ever call me theirs? Yes.
I know Em and I (or at least I know I do) sound like a broken record sometimes when we talk about relationships because we tend to say the same thing over and over. But the things we say aren’t typically things that should go in one ear and out the other. A relationship is one of those things that can be so complicated and so dramatic, it’s sometimes so much easier to be single. I say all the time that my life has been so much more drama free since I have never been in a relationship. Now, that doesn’t mean it has been completely drama free because Lord knows it hasn’t. But the amount of worry, tears, heartache, pain, emotional breakdowns, and time I’ve saved not being in a relationship has honestly been a life saver.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so the fact that no boy has ever messed with it has been a blessing. It honestly doesn’t break my heart that I haven’t ever been in a relationship because since I do wear my heart on my sleeve, I get to save all of that love for someone special one day. At least I hope so. I have high hopes for my future guy. And because I respect myself enough, I shouldn’t have anything less than high hopes. I know a lot of people don’t think that you should respect yourself, but you 110% SHOULD respect yourself.
If you don’t, and you have low standards for a man, you are going to get stuck in a relationship that is so bad, you’ll be too scared to leave. They’ll make you feel worthless and unloved. No one should EVER feel like that in a relationship.
Having high hopes and high standards for a guy actually helps find the right one. Because a terrible guy will never meet high standards. If a guy really desires to love you, love you as Christ loved the church, and wants to treat you well, he will blow those high standards out of the water because he will work so hard to meet them. And sometimes he won’t even have to work hard because he will be naturally great at it. A guy that is lazy and doesn’t try to meet those standards is not worth your time.
And it is actually just as important for a guy to have high standards for you as well because that shows you that he wants the best for himself and he chose you to meet those standards. And you should work hard to meet them too. It can’t be a one way street here. A relationship shouldn’t be something you settle for. No, that doesn’t mean you’re going to find a perfect guy because no one is perfect. But you will find someone that is your kind of perfect. Someone that you’re going to love with all your heart. Don’t sell yourself short because you want to be in a relationship. Patiently wait for God to create a path specifically for you.
-- Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”
-- Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
-- 1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
-- Proverbs 30:18-19: “There are three things that amaze me—no, four things that I don't understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman."
-- Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves."
-- Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
-- Genesis 2:18–25: “Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.' ... So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man."
-- 1 Peter 3:7: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered."
Love you guys!
- Han <3 -
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