Me and Han were sitting in Dunkin’ tonight working on blog stuff and we got to talking about all of our friends who were engaged and how we wanted that so bad. As we sat there, I realized that our conversations almost always tend to go towards relationships and our yearning for one. It made me think of this quote I saw the other day, “In the moment, his affection will make you feel wanted, his words will make you feel heard, his eyes will make you feel seen, his hand will make you feel held, but until you are able to see yourself as made whole by your Savior and no one else, you will constantly go from moment to moment and person to person in search of love that is only ever felt in the arms of the One who knows you better than you know yourself, and loves you more than anyone else.” [Morgan Nichols]
I have such a desire to be loved and wanted yet i continue to search for it in all the wrong places. I want to put my happiness in the things I can see when in reality the best thing is the one thing I can’t see. That is one thing that God has really been showing me, that my heart shouldn’t be focused on when Mr. right will walk in but instead I should be focused on Christ and being like Him and the rest of it will fall into place. I ignore the greatest love there ever was searching for a temporary love. That is a really tough pill to swallow. To put away what I want and pursue Christ with everything even when it seems crazy.
As many of you know, I am wrestling with my call to missions and what that looks like. Slowly God is revealing the next piece and He is showing me what I need when I need it but waiting is hard especially when you can’t see Him. While I know Christ has the perfect man out there for me, it is exhausting waiting. I completely understand that but good things come to those who wait. My guy track record isn’t great and that is because I haven’t waited on God. If I had waited, I would’ve been saved from so much heartache and pain, I would have been freed to live more fully for him, and I would’ve have a whole heart to give my future husband.
So for those of you who want to rush it, don’t because it leads to more pain than its worth and for those of you who have made mistakes and regret the choices you’ve made, you are not alone. There is freedom and forgiveness in Christ. You are not messed up. Thankfully, as I’ve gotten older, my judgement has been more through Christ’s eyes rather than mine. Next time you talk to a guy and you have that feeling, RUN! I say this because that is the spirit telling you that there is better. And trust me He is for you not against you! Focus on Christ and the other stuff won’t matter as much and you will find everything in GOD’S timing. Nothing can stop His plan, just trust Him.
xo, Em.
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